I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
