This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize