I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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