The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
