I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
