Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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