I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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