Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
