I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
