Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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