nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
