Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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