My room smells like vodka and shame
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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