so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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