Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
