Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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