I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
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Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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