this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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