I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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