Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
