You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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