Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
