uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
