wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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