I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
