You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
