Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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