it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
