and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
