I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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