I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
