i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize