i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
