bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize