Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize