I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
