well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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