I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
