we have pet lesbian snakes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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