my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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