matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
