well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
there is puke in my bra ... again
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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