he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
