i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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