I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
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I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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