We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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