Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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