How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
