I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
