I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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