you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
