i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
