Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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