Where did you get a picture of my penis
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
