ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize