you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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