I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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