I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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