You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
