; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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