Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
