So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
last night I used snow as a chaser
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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