so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
