I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
