I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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