Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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