So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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