Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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