I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
